The ocean rose. Day by day it rose, it's waters washing over the scarred landscape. The beach was the first to be submerged. The barren plains and fields soon followed suit. Soon the ocean's water reached the mighty workhouses that constantly belched thick black smoke out of its narrow chimneys, making quick work of them as well.
The inhabitants of the island tried desperately to stop the rising ocean. Some built walls. Some took refuge on the highest hills, while others built boats to get away from the sinking island. Yet their efforts to save their island were in vain,
The walls didn't stand long against the force of the ocean. The hills weren't high enough to get away. And so the waters kept on rising until one day the highest spire of the highest tower, finally became submerged
And where there was once a heavily populated and industrious island, now there just was.....Water.
Found your post on G+ (if you're not looking for a critique, just delete me lol!). I'm intrigued by your prologue; I want to know what happened to the folks in the "industrious land." I wonder if the first graph is necessary? There's good description there that you could sprinkle throughout the second graph, then tighten it up. I say this only because, as an opening, I'm more drawn in by "The island inhabitants tried in vain to stop the rising ocean," than, "the ocean rose." Just my two cents. Nice work - keep it up!
ReplyDeleteThanks! Really appreciate the feedback!
DeletePicked this up on Young Adult LAW on Google+.
ReplyDeleteAlthough nicely written, I agree with Julia, too much emphasis on the ocean rising, and in such a small prologue, it needs only to be mentioned once. :)
Thanks! Really appreciate the feedback!
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