All my life I have wanted to fall in love.
I love the desperation.
The honesty.
The vulnerability.
The love.
I have liked many a girl. I have even possibly come close to loving one.
Yet I never thought that this would happen.
I never thought I would fall out love.
I never thought that my feelings would sink away.
Each day a little more of the pool in my heart, drying up.
And as much as I hated the pain of knowing that my feelings for her were not returned.
The bittersweet pain of her not even thinking of me in more than just a friend.
I hate this more.
I no longer have no pain to cling desperately onto, like a drowning sailor.
My fingernails digging in with all might as my lifejacket is slowly wrenched from my grip.
As she slowly escapes the aspirations of my heart and dreams.
Instead I now stand at the shores of my heart.
Watching in the distance the beauty of the sea.
Yes, I still see the storms.
The waves.
The deadly currents and the sharks slowly circling.
But out there at least I had the occasional glimpse of hope.
Of rescue.
Of my lifejacket.
Of my aspirations.
Of her.
Instead I now stand here, the waves now crashing at my feet. The sand running between my toes.
I am trapped on a desert island.
Baren.
Devoid of life.
Devoid of feelings.
But I want to care about her once again.
I want to slowly sink under the waves, with her almost within reach.
